Journey of the Angels

When Yaakov Avinu lay dreaming, "vayihi sulam mutzav artza", there was a ladder extending from below to the Heavens. "Vihinai malachai Elokim olim v'yordim bo." Malachei Hashareis were going up and down, up and down the ladder. What was causing these Heavenly angels to make this repeated journey from Heaven to earth, constantly climbing up or down?

Up in Heaven, there is an image of the potential of every individual. Up, beneath the Kisai HaKavod, lay a picture of Yaakov Avinu, a picture of the ultimate shleimas Yaakov Avinu could reach.

Down below, lay Yaakov, the Yaakov he had worked and struggled to become. As the malachim journeyed up the ladder, they saw the view of the ultimate potential Yaakov possessed. They journeyed down the ladder to see who Yaakov was, and caught glimpse of an image identical to the one in the Heaven above. Confused, the angels ran up and down, unable to distinguish between the Yaakov above and the Yaakov below.

Up in Heaven, beneath the Kisai HaKavod, there is an image of who I can become. There, nestled near the Celestial Throne, an image of my perfection, of the fulfillment of my maximum potential, can be seen.

Down below, I try to create an image of what that ultimate potential may be. I draw in my mind's eye the view of myself at my greatest level of shleimus. I create an image and strive to live it. I work toward it with the tefillah that b'sof chayai, the picture presented will match the picture I have become.

While I strive to define the potential picture, I'm limited by what I know. I formulate a vision based on the kochos I see in myself, based on the life situations I've been given. Yet G-d has an ever greater picture, a picture of my potential that far surpasses my wildest dreams.

When I stood at the age of 18 and imagined my life, I imagined one of working toward creating a beautiful marriage. I dreamed a picture of ultimate perfection, as I then thought it would be.

On High, in the place where a truer picture can be seen, a different picture has been painted. In that vision lays the image of a person far greater than one I ever imagined. I didn't know where six years of singlehood would take me. I didn't know how much greater pain would make me. I didn't imagine or dream that there could be an image beyond that which I had created.

Yet G-d, my Creator, created me with a potential I do not see and do not understand. He has given me circumstances that can help me grow beyond my wildest dreams.

Hashem, I never knew I could go so far. I never dreamed that the picture of my shleimus would reside in a sphere so far beyond the optimal level I demanded of myself. I didn't know you would design my life to give me challenges that would bring me to a far greater level of perfection than I ever imagined.

And Hashem, as I struggle with these challenges that I never imagined, give me the koach and guidance to emerge victor and to create a magnificent picture that matches that beautiful ultimate picture residing alongside You. When I come before You at the end of my life, let our two pictures match.