Not to Be OK

A woman ankle-deep in the busy child-rearing years met up with an older peer. Desperately seeking some advice, she asked the older woman for tips on how to deal with these difficult years. Babies, diapers, laundry, snacks, homework, constant noise and mess. How is one to maintain their calm and composure, their devotion and love of the maternal ideal throughout? With smiling eyes and laughter borne of experience, the older woman shared the secret. "Just muddle through," she said, "just muddle through."

The wisdom here, though not immediately apparent, is breathtaking and humbling. Many times in life we are placed in difficult situations. This woman wanted so badly to raise a big family. She was fulfilling her life's dream, accomplishing what she felt to be her life's calling. Yet, she felt tired, she felt overwhelmed. And she was horrified that she felt that way.

A young kollel wife, so committed to devoting her life to her husband's learning, may feel frustrated when she resents the retail restrictions. She knows this life is what she wants, yet it's still not pleasant. It's still no fun.

And the wisdom imparted by this wonderful woman was "muddle through". Sometimes, it's ok not to be ok. It's ok not to be ok with the way things are going. It's ok not to be enjoying cleaning the living room – even though you are doing it for the exalted mitzvah of kibud av.

We chose our life based on a clear and logical life plan. We ponder, we weigh values, and we chose (to our limited ability) how our life will go. And when those choices, that we know were the correct choices, still do not feel pleasant, it's alright.

We sometimes err in thinking that if we are doing the right thing, we will certainly feel wonderful. There will be this Heavenly feeling of peace and content, a supernatural warmth and glow that will enfuse our every limb. Yet in reality this is not the case. Even when doing the right thing, it may be painful and it may be frustrating. And, so long as we our doing the right thing with love, it's "ok not to be ok."